if you're a bird, i'm a bird.

it was real, wasn't it? you and me. such a long time ago, we were just a couple of kids. but we really loved each other didn't we?

sweet nothings.

i am afraid that i may have a bit of a sweet tooth

dreams & fantasies.

it's not that easy to draw a line

back to basics.

i am finally back in Birmingham, back to classes and the usual routine. ugh. but to make this week seem less dreary, here are the latest campaigns by Calvin Klein and Armani featuring Eva Mendes and Megan Fox respectively.

london calling.

alas! i am back in the United Kingdom but stuck in London (not that i mind) for the time being. my train to Birmingham was supposed to leave a couple hours ago but some retard felt it necessary to jump in front of a train leading to all trains either getting canceled or delayed. thus, i am now back in Birmingham tomorrow afternoon. i must admit i have missed M&S cookies and sandwiches, also no trip to London is complete without a visit to Edgware Road and my beloved hummous and falafels. i have one more day of freedom before classes start and it's back to the routine; hello monotony. at least the weather isn't too unbearable (hopefully i haven't spoken too soon).

x

miss midwinter pick-me-up.

the most amazing view.

may your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, leading to the most amazing view. may your mountains rise into and above the clouds.

Edward Abbey

old habits die hard.

i leave for the airport tomorrow morning at 7 am and right now i am wide awake. it has become like a routine now. nausea and anxiety as i pack my suitcase, numbness and denial on my flight out of KL, more numbness as i arrive in Birmingham and a final (physical, mental and emotional) breakdown once i enter my room, to end the entire journey.

i arrive in London (which is a much needed buffer before i reach Birmingham) tomorrow evening itself, by when it will have already become pitch dark. i am NOT looking forward to the chill, the snow and frequently falling on my ass because of icy streets. don't get me wrong, snow is beautiful; admired from the comfort of well heated indoors, during snowball fights and snowman making escapades for a couple minutes and when you have the luxury of your own car. not so much when you must brave the ice, walk almost everywhere and are carrying several grocery bags!

such discomforts are exactly why i begin to hyperventilate whenever i must leave KL. life there is a life of solitude (too much solitude even for someone as antisocial as i am). you'd think i would've become accustomed to it by now; this is my what, 5th/6th time returning to the UK? yet like i said, it's like a routine which happens every single time. old habits do die hard.

i can't believe there are only 6 months left of Uni. i have a busy busy couple of months ahead - hopefully abundant in progress and successes. boy do i need it!

x

le sigh.

my Xmas Break is officially over in two days. goodbye warm weather, good company and delicious food. hello snow, solitude and stress.

x

waltz of tyranny.

it burns a bitter blue - flames of purple and black
around your wounded chest,
a beautiful waltz of tyranny
your heart throbs to the beat of the Devil's drums
lungs full of despair - of abhor and disgust,
too frail to breath in this life
you can't look back, you'd rather not
crawling away from the path of yesterday
you lock the gate - its wrought iron bars,
rusted bronze
but you leave behind a crimson trail
across this wilted garden,
your bleeding misery
that evokes a broken scent,
one that entices the Devil
she can taste your anger,
touch your weakness
rusted bronze, these wrought iron bars
cannot fight her strength
you burn a bitter blue - flames of purple and black
a beautiful waltz of tyranny

03. 2008

i wrote this two years ago; inspired by a friend suffering terrible heartache

x

a hollywood enigma.

Natalie Portman has always been very Plain-Jane to me. elegant? yes. pretty? yes. but very Plain-Jane. nothing about her has ever struck me before but i really love this spread from the February 2010 issue of Elle UK. i think it's just the right concoction of Natalie's elegance and a high fashion edge.

x

escape.

time of your life.

i have had a beyond amazing past three weeks, abundant in old friends getting together in a beautiful thirty degree weather (whilst the rest of the world endures negative temperatures and constant snowfall). i have realized that at the end of the day, that is all i really need; the company of those near and dear and getting up to what we used to in the old days (i have also realized how old we're all getting but that's another issue altogether!). it has really amused me how effortless it is being back in the familiar and with those that i have grown up with. i feel friendship is just a label, the true meaning behind which is indescribable. is it really those around us that make up our world?

i must journey back to the UK next week and it's such a bittersweet feeling. i am excited for all that awaits me yet cannot leave the comforts and the familiarity of this place. especially since i only experience it to this extent once a year. most people have gone back to Uni in their respective countries and KL feels...empty. just like it does every summer that i'm back and forced to witness what little is left of my school days. oh i miss them all, i miss it all. it's starting to feel more and more real that yesterday is nothing more than just a glimmer of the past.

x

vanilla twilight.

the stars lean down to kiss you
and i lie awake and miss you
pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere

i'll watch the night turn light blue
but it's not the same without you
because it takes two to whisper quietly

resolutions.

2010

Happy New Year

i had a hell of a New Years Eve with plenty of good music, the company of old friends, heavy sweating and dancing laced together with a lifetime of memories to welcome 2010.

looking back on 2009, it was one of the most erratic years i have had in a while - some great events and celebrations along with some losses. i learned a lot about myself this year, about those around me and the world in general all of which i am deeply thankful for. it has been one of those years where i can look back and admit to some tangible, and concrete self-growth. maybe it's not so much to do with this year but more with age and getting older? or an amalgam of the two? all in all i am very grateful for 2009 and for whatever ups and downs it has brought me.

some things to look forward to in 2010 (perhaps some resolutions in disguise): i have so many aspirations and expectations from this year that it is slightly overwhelming. first and foremost would be to embrace my steadily increasing optimism and living more days to their fullest. graduation from University! ah! i cannot believe 3 years of Uni have gone by so fast. and finally (hopefully rather) getting a decent job in London starting September, my own little apartment and the start to an independent, self-sufficient life. ah the joys of growing up!

here's to a wonderful year ahead! may you all enjoy and be inspired by whatever this year brings you (the good and the bad).

2010 Horoscope

Scorpios have a certain reputation for taking things a little too seriously, and to some extent you've earned that. The next year is going to give you new opportunities to really express yourself in new ways, and to get results from all that Scorpionic intensity you've been carrying around all your life. On the one hand, there will be new pressures developing as far as a lot of long-standing issues that you've faced for a long time, and that have been building for the last few years. New channels of communication will be opening up for you, and new ways to express yourself.

There may be a sense of deep pressure building when it comes to how you live your life and deal with the Big Picture issues. The usual problems of day-to-day living -- paying the bills, dealing with relationships, making time for yourself -- may merely be the guise in which these issues present themselves. In fact, with Saturn transiting your Twelfth House of hidden issues, you may find yourself confronted with people and issues that are merely your own issues in disguise. Think of it as a psychodrama where those around you are merely playing out individual psychological factors within yourself.

The good news is that no other sign in the zodiac is better equipped to stare an issue in the eye and see it for what it really is than you. Over the years, you've developed the tools you'll need to not only make it through another year but to prosper in all the ways that really count.

x