summer love.

goodbye june.

it's the last day of June; the end of June always make me shudder as it marks the half-way point of yet another year of my life. there are officially six months left of 2009. i don't know WHERE this month went? not to mention, the last six months of this year. ever since i left High School, i find it hard to distinguish one year from another, or rather one event from another. it seems like one giant amalgam, carrying on from one year to the next. it's like i am setting aside these University years to never re-visit again; forever a part of my past and that is how i want it to remain.

i have a million things eating up my mind lately and there seems to be no end. numerous nights i spent in High School wanting to run away - little did i know that things only get more complex with time, with age, with circumstance. how easy it was then, to pout, throw a tantrum and expect order. not so much anymore.

i start work tomorrow. wishing all a happy July.

x

a week.

it has been a slow week; i can't believe it has only been a week. i have spent it doing absolutely nothing productive. there are a couple things that i want to get through before this summer is over. one of them being making two scrapbooks/albums; one of my senior prom and the other of my senior trip to Koh Samui. i have also yet to properly decorate my room, get all the furniture and finally complete the whole look i am going for. i ought to stop procrastinating getting my driver's license. i have been postponing it for the past two summers and never end up getting around to it. not to menion the fact that i could care less about driving - but it's something that has to be done. so back to my week: they've consisted of a few outtings, a couple meetings with old friends, some dinners and me watching the new Transformers. to be honest, i was not all that wow-ed by it. maybe it's because of all the hype and anticipation but i found the first one much much better. for some reason (even though the special effects and Megan Fox were both brilliant!) i found myself a little bored and wanting the movie to be over already. i'd recommend it because it's one of the 'Summer Blockbusters' but...that's about it.

i begin my internship at M&C Saatchi this week and to be honest, i am not all that enthused. i worked there last year and did thoroughly enjoy it but the fact that i'm going back somewhat leaves little to the imagination. i know more or less what to expect and who to meet; though that offers a level of comfort, it isn't all that exciting. but at the end of the day, i need something to keep me busy and to get through the next two months. am i actually counting down the days to return to the UK? something must be wrong. or i may have become too accustomed to my independence.

x

the city has a beating heart.

you said the city has a beating heart
that pushes people down the boulevard
and they're all hoping for a wish fulfilled
in a desert for a dollar bill
those foolish dreams, you know they plague me still

friends.

ah Chuck and Blair; the love-hate pairing of this era. why is it that we always want those that aren't 'right' for us? we never want the readily available, confessing their love and wearing their hearts on their sleeves-type. even i, the hopeless romantic. no, we fall for the inconvenient, troublesome and never straightforward. maybe that's what makes love what it really is? or maybe i'm thinking more along the lines of passion? sensuous, consuming and a little insane. falling for the inconvenient just does not compare to anything else. well, this life is too short to remain sane anyways.

x

pocket full of stars.

now you know i need a miracle
a star-crossed lover
an arrow in my heart
i need a rainy day in an endless summer
a pocket full of stars

i hate change. i really do; always have. as human beings, we're constantly in search of the familiar, of a certain level of comfort and i for one definitely like my comfort. it's somewhat bizarre to think how much i hate change when i have had to deal with it my entire life. adapting to new and uncomfortable situations is almost like second nature to me - only it is anything but easy for me (for some strange reason). don't get me wrong, i feel truly blessed to have experienced all that i have in my life so far, i'm just trying to figure out why i always shy away from the unfamiliar. i guess because it isn't easy for me to find comfort in a situation (person, places, etc) in the first place so once i do, i subconsciously place 'all my eggs in one basket' - for lack of a better phrase. overtime though, this has made me cautious. too cautious to take chances and really live for once.

i have lately not been able to stop thinking about chances; having to do with the point i have reached in my life. i graduate university in one more year and that has stimulated a hoard of questions, many being rhetorical (much to my dislike). i question: when is it right to take a chance? once this chapter of my life is over, it will be crucial to 'make the right decision' won't it? and then there are people who talk about going for what you love, following your dreams and doing something different. why is doing something different often synonymous with uncertainty, something risky or taking a chance? it's as if it's assumed that following your dreams is automatically something that goes against societal norms.

what are societal norms? and who has made them so? did they not once start out as dreams? i have a lot of decisions to make these next couple of years. ones that can and will possibly change my life forever. it would be nice to have something to fall back on, no matter what. but of course - changes will take place.

my dislike for change is quite funny - especially since change is the only constant in this world as after all, everything changes. all the time.

x

mendes and klein.

i absolutely love the new Calvin Klein Fall 2009 campaign with Eva Mendes, for Jeans and CK Underwear; they're just too hot for words. pity that my attention isn't even the least bit on the clothes she's meant to be advertising!

sigh..i envy Latin women - just a little bit.

x