i still believe in paradise.

i will be here in.....three days.

Bali
♥

dark things.

am i missing.

i have been neglecting this. maybe neglecting is not the right word, i've simply not had the time nor the inspiration for a proper update. as always the weeks have been so casually strolling by right before my eyes and it is already the last week of August! which leaves a mere four more months till the end of this year. the end of the year? i swear the year only just began; summer only just began! then why is fall almost already here? not in Malaysia anyways where we're only blessed with two seasons but back in the England it's going to be fall time soon, sigh.

this is the last week of my internship and i could not be more relieved. at the same time though, i'll definitely miss working here, especially the people. it's a little daunting that soon this will be the rest of my life. work. where did the last 20 years of my life go? it scares me to death when i put the number down on paper - it still seems like such a big deal to me, so old and so far away. 20, it sounds almost unnatural.

i had a good good weekend. a much needed night out on Friday with some old friends; felt great to be out with those people again. we have all gone out on our own, our separate ways but at the end of the day we will forever be drawn to this bond we created over here. our memories after our life here just don't compare. that's not a bad thing....right?

tonight's gonna be a good good night

x

kissing you goodbye.

on my own
i'm nothing
just bleeding
i'm not kissing you goodbye

tgif.

alas! it is Friday!..and the end of the first week of August. not that this week has been excruciatingly long or anything but it's always nice when a week ends. two days of sleeping in and lazing about in this eternally warm Southeast Asian weather. i have no special plans for this weekend - just the way i like it. perhaps a trip down to China Town tonight? followed by a nice (and healthy) meal with the fam.

on a more interesting note, i will be going to Bali for a couple days at the end of this month (in three weeks to be exact)! i am incredibly excited as it will be my first time there. a second for my family as they decided to abandon me on their last trip a couple years back (in their defense, i was off on my Spring Break in Dubai). i love love LOVE traveling! i'm pretty sure i was flying even before i could speak and have never stopped since. even more so since i've been in the UK; trapped under gray skies and dull concrete, i have truly missed jet-setting across the beautiful Asian continent. i really really want to visit Hong Kong and Tokyo again sometime in the near future though, my memories of those places are heavily fragmented and only go as far as a couple photo albums have from my last visit there (a good 10-15 years ago!).

this world is far too fascinating to be left undiscovered.

x

vamp.

sigh...the Twilight boys. i cannot wait till Nov 20th (a day after my birthday) - pretty much the perfect birthday present and perhaps even a chance to catch them in person at the London premiere of New Moon? i can only dream. Twilight fans are probably as (if not more) insane as Harry Potter fans.

love. want. need.

i love, want, NEED this dress! it's from the David Jones Spring/Summer 2009 Collection Launch in Sydney. oh yes and Miranda is as stunning as ever; i wouldn't mind having that body either.

x

my generation.

for mine is a generation that circles the globe in search of something we haven't tried before. so never refuse an invitation, never resist the unfamiliar, never fail to be polite and never outstay the welcome. just keep your mind open and suck in the experience. and if it hurts, you know what? it's probably worth it.

long way home.

it has been a blurry last two weeks. i feel drained yet invigorated, as paradoxical as that is (heat and humidity aside). my trip to India was bittersweet; to say the very least. i realized a lot of things that i hadn't known before and rekindled some relationships (lost some as well). going back always teaches me something about myself and my world which is why i never end up wanting to leave. it's a simpler place; in terms of wants and needs. people need so little, they know so little and yet, their world is complete. having lived in first world countries for most of my life, it makes me wonder whether we really need all this hype?! do wealth and privileges really make life better? or do they simply leave us all corrupt? always expecting more. in the Western world we're consumed by materialism whereas in the East, it's family ties and relationships. i guess they both have their positives and negatives.

i also experienced probably the hardest thing i have ever had to endure over the last two weeks. losing someone is never easy but it was harder for me as i had never had to experience it right in front of me; so directly. it made me weak and vulnerable. something that i hate doing in public as vulnerability comes so easily to me anyways. it was like a suffocation and i remember wanting to run away from it all (like i always do). i was in denial for a while (something i am notorious for) and refused to let it sink in. i still don't think i've let it completely sink in though. i subconsciously don't think i have lost anything. and maybe it's true? why must presence be expressed only through physicality?

x