long way home.

it has been a blurry last two weeks. i feel drained yet invigorated, as paradoxical as that is (heat and humidity aside). my trip to India was bittersweet; to say the very least. i realized a lot of things that i hadn't known before and rekindled some relationships (lost some as well). going back always teaches me something about myself and my world which is why i never end up wanting to leave. it's a simpler place; in terms of wants and needs. people need so little, they know so little and yet, their world is complete. having lived in first world countries for most of my life, it makes me wonder whether we really need all this hype?! do wealth and privileges really make life better? or do they simply leave us all corrupt? always expecting more. in the Western world we're consumed by materialism whereas in the East, it's family ties and relationships. i guess they both have their positives and negatives.

i also experienced probably the hardest thing i have ever had to endure over the last two weeks. losing someone is never easy but it was harder for me as i had never had to experience it right in front of me; so directly. it made me weak and vulnerable. something that i hate doing in public as vulnerability comes so easily to me anyways. it was like a suffocation and i remember wanting to run away from it all (like i always do). i was in denial for a while (something i am notorious for) and refused to let it sink in. i still don't think i've let it completely sink in though. i subconsciously don't think i have lost anything. and maybe it's true? why must presence be expressed only through physicality?

x